Movies like ‘It Happened One Night’ to ‘Midnight in Paris’ to ‘Beauty and the Beast’ and ‘A Summer’s Tale’ have got us all dreaming of a Cinderella or a Prince Charming who can sweep you off your feet and make you happier than you are now. But is fact different from fiction? Rajashri Ramesh tells us why it’s common for married couples to drift apart both emotionally and sexually.
Did you partner initiate sex last night and you pulled away because you didn’t feel like making love that night or worse didn’t feel attracted to him/her anymore? There may be many instances when you feel like you’ve lost all the passion and excitement in the relationship and are struggling to find out how to get it back. While talking is the best way out of these issues that seem never-ending, it is upon you to find the best solutions.
It is found that couples release a bonding hormone (oxytocin) during the initial stages of marriage that add to the romance and excitement of a new love life. This turns into a physical fondness leading to touching, kissing and sex. Unfortunately, no blissful love life stays forever. However, remember it is normal between any couple to feel isolated and depressed after a period of time. It is time to not just talk your heart out to your partner but also equally make efforts to bring back the blissful love into your life. Small initiatives like a cozy dinner for the two of you or small unexpected surprises can all make a difference in the daily life.
Set The Mood
Even the smallest of the smallest efforts can bring a change in the way you can solve the problems. Set a romantic scene dinner with a bouquet of flowers, scented candles, his/her favourite romantic music and ask your partner for a date that night. You can even conveniently forget the numerous dishes and have an excuse to feed each other from just one plate. If dinner is not what you prefer, try a warm shower together as you play with each other and intensify the love. Practice flirting with each other and don’t ever miss a chance to cuddle each other whenever possible.
Make Some Space
If you’re a person who wants your own personal space at times, remember the same is applicable to your partner. According to scientists, trying to control your partner is the main source of unhappiness, arguments, and depression. In a happy marriage, partners know they cannot and should not control each other. Make time for yourself and give some space to your partner to pursue each other’s own goals. Learn to do things without your partner but also maintain a healthy balance between your personal time and time together.
Keep aside the ego and resentments that can destroy your relationship. Conflicts are inevitable and avoiding it can only lead to stagnant relationships. For a healthy relationship, women need to lower their expectations, for instance, not wanting their partner to romance 24x7. While men on the other hand need to prioritize and spend more quality time with their partners. Men can listen more to what women want from them and in a way can also convey what they expect from them. Even when it comes to sex, one partner sometimes has a higher desire in sex than the other. Dr. Jasbina Ahluwalia, a Relationship Expert and Matchmaker/Dating Coach says, “Be sensitive to your partner's sexual needs, and be willing to give and receive sex as a loving gift - an unspoken expectation. Find out what turns you on and what you need to feel aroused, and share that with your partner.”
Honour and Respect Each Other
It is every important to give respect to each other in a relationship no matter what the differences between you two are. You can respect someone without love, but you never love someone without respect.”Don't assume your partner is aware of your strong desire, and your frustration when your desire is unmet, since your partner may very well not be aware since he or she does not experience the same discomfort with less sex, instead express your need in a loving and respectful way,” adds Jasbina.
Keep Distance From the ‘D’ Word
With barley few days past the wedding and as the romantic honeymoon period wanes, ‘divorce’ has become a common word for couples during day-to-day arguments. While it might seem okay to use the ‘D’ word (although without intentions most of the time), remember there is a need to eliminate the word ‘divorce’ from your marriage life dictionary. If you want to find solutions to a problem, you need all your energy to work it out but any consideration given to divorce will only hamper the energy and lessen the ability to solve problems.
When you go from ‘wanting’ love to ‘sharing’ love and happiness in a married life, you’ll witness your relationship blossoming into something unexpected, incredible and most importantly filled with eternal love. Learn to accept all circumstances and not try to take control of everything that happens in your love life.